Tag Archives: Recreation

New Book Release – Sharing Stories on Our Autism Journey

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June is a great month. It official marks summer break from school, as well as the first day of Summer. It is also my birth month, which is why I decided to publish The Road I’ve Traveled on my birthday.

The Road I’ve Traveled is now available for pre-order on Amazon. Its official release date will be on the 19th of June.

I absolutely love the cover. The anchor represents my time in the Navy. The color blue represents my love of the ocean, as well as autism awareness.

The Road Ive Traveled

The Road I’ve Traveled is a compilation of poems and short stories Jennifer wrote during moments of her life where she felt the need to get it all out. She writes about being in the Navy during the tragedies of 9/11, having to deploy to New York where she and her shipmates stayed in New York’s harbor for three weeks, guarding the coastline in hopes of preventing any further attacks.

She writes about loss, love, heartbreak, family. You can see the fondness she had for her grandfather as she includes a heartfelt eulogy she had written moments after his passing.

She also writes about being a single mom, as well as a mom to a child who is on the autism spectrum. The journey they have endured together has been bumpy, but they continue to plow through life, learning about autism and sensory processing disorder as they go.

You can find all of my books, recently published and upcoming, under my name and my pen name, posted on my website: www.twistedcrowpress.com/books
Or, you can find them on Amazon:
For all books published under my name, Jennifer N. Adams on Amazon, click here.
For all books published under my pen name, J. Raven Wilde on Amazon, click here.

Being Alone Can Be Too Depressing

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Nothing is more depressing than being alone. Not having a significant other. Not having someone to share your life with. Yes, I have my daughter, but that’s different. Half the time I can’t understand what she’s saying. Not to mention, she doesn’t understand some of the things I’m talking about. It would be better to talk to an adult about adult things. Children shouldn’t have to worry about adult things until they become adults themselves. In other words, it would be nice to have an actual conversation with someone for once.

I turn on my computer and see all the happy couples. Those who are going out on the weekends with someone. The ones that are so happy to have that special someone in their lives. I’m happy for them, really I am, but it makes me feel that more depressed and even more alone. Makes me a little envious I think.

I’m a really good actor as I can hide all of these emotions really well. I smile and act like nothing is wrong. No one can see that I’m hurting, that I’m stress or depressed or sad. Though a few people that really know me could tell something is wrong just from the way I text…short simple answers to their questions, which isn’t like me.

Four years is a long time to go without dating, without being with anyone. Yeah, my ex had hurt me pretty badly, but it’s been four years and I’ve moved through that and into another phase where I think, “Who’s going to date me? I have an Autistic daughter and I live with my grandmother.” Yes, I may be busy with home life and school, but I can try my best to make time. In fact I think it would be best that I did. Just to talk about anything to someone would help relieve the stress I had to endure that day.

I’ve started to drive in silence, no radio playing sad songs on repeat. I need happy cheerful tunes and not let my thoughts take over. I’ve been spending more time with my daughter, well I always spend time with her, but I have been taking time out of doing homework to watch TV with her, to play games, or toys with her. I took her to see Planes, I bought her the movie Epic and sat down and watch it with her three days in a row. I’m learning a little more about the cartoons she watches, who the character names are.

This weekend I’m hoping to phone a friend and see if my daughter and I can stop by and ride one of his horses. Though it’s very therapeutic for my daughter to ride, it is also therapeutic for me as well. Something about being one with the horse, riding at a gallop as the wind blows through my hair, the feeling of being free.

Some people tell me, “Oh you’ll find someone.” I did try dating just recently. I was happy to finally have someone in my life, happy to have someone to talk to, happy to have someone pay attention to me for once. I must’ve been too happy that it didn’t work out so well. There was so much I don’t understand on what happened.

I am trying hard to rise above it, to work through what I’m feeling. I have no choice really, I have a mini me that depends on me to be strong. She has, on a few occasions sensed when I was feeling down as she brought me her favorite stuffed animals and then gave me a hug. I couldn’t help but smile as my daughter was helping me feel better by giving me things that make her feel happy. I can’t complain about that.

Saying Farewell to Spiderman

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It was around Halloween last year that my daughter started getting into Spiderman. I had rented the newest Spiderman movie, The Amazing Spider-Man, and sat down to watch it with my little girl. A few days later we were strolling the costume aisles trying to find a costume for her. Since she hadn’t grown much, the choices of costumes was difficult. The only thing I could find for her were way too infant looking, but the ones that were supposed to be her size, should she have grown some, were way too big. We continued to walk around when she spotted a Spiderman costume. I had to politely say no, being the only girl to go trick-or-treating in a group with five boys, I wanted her to have a girly costume. Not to mention that Spiderman isn’t just my daughter’s favorite comic book hero, so there was a chance that one of the boys would be dressing up as him for Halloween.

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Instead of getting her the costume I bought her a Spiderman movie. Then for her birthday I got her a Spiderman toy. For Christmas a Spiderman cartoon on DVD. Several months later I was shopping for shirts and shorts for her, she spotted a Spiderman tshirt among other superhero tshirts. Since they were all in the little girl section I thought, why not. After all I liked Spiderman too.

It wasn’t long after I got her the Spiderman movie that I noticed it was on constant repeat and the Spiderman tshirt was the only thing she wanted to wear. I think this went on for a few more months until yesterday when I tried to put the Spiderman tshirt on her. She cried out that she wanted to wear her Dora tshirt. It just donned on me that she hasn’t bothered with any of her Spiderman things. Have we finally said farewell to Spiderman and moved on to something else?

I looked at my daughter with a frown and jokingly pouted, adding a dramatic sniffle. She turns towards me and gives me a worried look, “What’s wrong Mommy?”

“I’m afraid you don’t like Spiderman anymore,” I tell her, holding up the Spiderman tshirt.

She frowns along with me and says, “It’s okay,” then reaches ever so slowly for the Dora shirt I had laying on my lap. I sniff again for added dramatic effect and she stands up and gives me a hug, patting me on the back. I was biting my lip, trying hard not to laugh. She sits back down on her bed and I say, “I guess it’s goodbye Spiderman.” She didn’t reply, only put her Dora tshirt on and ran out of the room.

It’s amazing how quick kids can transition from one thing to another, how they can love one thing, then move onto something else. I had planned on making her a Spiderman costume for Halloween, though with an added tutu. I know she would’ve loved it. Now to figure out what she would prefer instead. I don’t know, maybe she’ll still pick a Spiderman costume, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see, Halloween is only a few months away.